I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
the raccoons are back...
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