Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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