dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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