My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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