just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
