meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
