Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
