Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
