summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
