Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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