a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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