meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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