do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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