Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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