So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
