great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
