she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
