So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
