the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
