Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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