wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Randomize
