Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize