Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
