after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
