So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
