I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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