just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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