She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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