The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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