I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you made out with another girl for some wings
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
