i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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