So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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