If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
