Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
