Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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