Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
