just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
