Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is it because I queefed?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
