end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
