break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
