Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
