Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
