I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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