i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
