Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
