I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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