I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
