theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want a musical about memes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
