She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
