This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
