i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
