sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize