Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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