I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
