Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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