Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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