Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
