My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
