My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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