I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
