i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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