you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
