There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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