I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
