Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
