No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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