Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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