just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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