and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
