If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
