you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize