were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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