she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Even my vagina gasped.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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