You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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