Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
