Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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