u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
