i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
