i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
