I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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