go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So much Jack, so little girl.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
