Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
