You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
