Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's official drugs can't kill me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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