we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize