I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
