Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
