Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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