My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i came on her dog
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
