Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My dad just said "fuck circus"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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