I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
